If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
