im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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