after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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