just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
