Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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