If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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