I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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