My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love having hate sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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