That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
