fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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