at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
