shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
