that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
