he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
