Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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