Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
