i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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