AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
