is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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