That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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