Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
