dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
