I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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