I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
