yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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