He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
