dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
