So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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