it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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