I've blown a few things in my day
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
