I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
