had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
