you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
