theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
