We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
