Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
