Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
