I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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