he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
