i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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