you guys were way drunker than both of me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
