we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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