my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
