Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
