Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
