Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
