I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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