He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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