Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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