Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
