why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
