I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
